Name’s Big Irv. Store Manager. I have nice suits. Long time no see.
Welcome to Nixon’s!
It’s a shop I run. It only opens once a year and today and for the next two weeks, we’ve got a bit of a deal on.
A steal as it goes. Sale of the century.
You knows it.
Buy anything from Nixon’s today and you not only get to spend a bit more time eyeing up my suit and wondering where I snared it from, you get an enviable slice of premium Irv merchandise [auctions to follow] and the opportunity to help out a top little chap with some shitbag neuro muscular disease into the bargain.
Yes, the wee man: Nixon. (see above)
Sorry, but this is where Big Irv gets serious. (see below)
The lad’s only little. He could fit in my mum’s fridge. And he’s constantly overcoming the sort of difficulties that most of us can only imagine.
Forgot your Oyster card on the way to the office? Pffft.
Got a bit of a sniffle but no hanky? Pah!
Not got a wideboy suit for a pivotal client presentation? Oooooh, heavy. But COME ON!
Nixon can be laughing one minute and have minging hospital tubes hanging out of him the next
AND HE STILL HAS A SMILE ON HIS FACE AT THE END OF IT.
If I could fist-bump him all day without jeopardising my lucrative career in finance, I would. He deserves it.
Him and his admirable Jersey mob don’t want plaudits though. The staff of Nixon’s warehouse don’t want plaudits either. You don’t even have to comment on how well I fit into my suits. I just want you to spend some of your hard-earned and help raise money for the main man: little Nixon.
So, yeah, browse away. Tell your friends. Tell your friends to tell their other friends with more money and heart than them. Stick this link on your social media. If the person next to you in the office is logged into their Facebook page and leaves their desk: stick it on theirs too. Write it on a hot air balloon. Mow it into a field near Yeovil and film it from above on some big crane and then broadcast it on YouTube or something. I don’t care how you do it, just remember one thing…
This is important stuff and everyone can help.
Right, that’s it.
We will be checking everyone on the way out.
Does my tie look alright?
You know it.”
Big Irv and Associates
(aka Team Nixon)
[NB: All the auctions dedicated to Nixon will be posted on here with links to eBay.
Please do share and let’s raise some proper money for this brave, brave boy. Thank you.]